We haven't been in touch since your low-flying arrow struck me through the heart, rendering me putty in the hands of a handsome artist I named Beloved. You won't be surprised to hear that whole idealized love thing didn't work out as I imagined.
But recently, inspired by a dream in which I heard a familiar male voice call my name, I decided to throw my hat in the ring again.
My dream mate didn't leave any forwarding info, but still I am left with a lingering sense that love is close. In an attempt to bring love closer still, I posted a personal photo with a made-up name to a dating site called "mindful singles" and, less than week later, I sat sipping cappuccino in a quaint cafe with a presumably-mindful guy. He asked good questions and eagerly told me stories about his own life interests and values, which included social causes and music and writing. An hour passed almost without my noticing and, considering how much I detest dating, I thought that one was going reasonably well.
Until suddenly and without warning, the man across the table casually remarked about his exceptional virility as a lover. What a perfectly dreadful way end a reasonably pleasant date! In what universe would a woman announce over lunch that she’s multi-orgasmic and her nipples face true north? In no universe ever, that’s where. But, like a wolf on the hunt, single dude was scanning for compatibility, mutual attraction; and the possibility of mating. I politely pointed out that he had jumped ahead to a future that would not unfold. He just wanted me to know, he said, that despite his number of years, he was anything but old. I get it. His desperate need for acceptance was at the root of Mr Virile's awkward pronouncement, but I’m not interested in helping a grown man understand that the functionality of his penis has nothing to do with his capacity for intimacy; or that any truly "mindful" woman would find it in dreadfully poor taste that he revealed his deepest Freudian insecurity on the first. damned. date.
So, back to square one. I know it’s a tall order, Eros, but I still believe in the heart’s sweet recognition of an old, familiar soul, and the gradual deepening of intimacy as it develops between friends and weaves its way into something that speaks to the whole of each being. And I believe that is the kind of love that is seeking me..
So, next time my beloved stops by for a dream time visit, I hope he leaves me a note with his name and whereabouts. Please put a word in, would you?
Patient in Portland